Second Crystal

Crunch crunch crunch “Ish it workin’? Yeah it’sh workin…”

Crunch crunch crunch.

“Okay, so like. I gotta put these nay-sayers to rest. And by ‘put to rest’ I mean bitch at the glow-box and by ‘nay-sayers’ I mean anyone who doubts my amazing culinary skills. Like Drex –” crunch crunch crunch “And Vali. Especially Vali.

So, see. The thing is, Vali is super jealous of my cooking genius. Because I figured it out. I figured out the perfect food. Wait for it…”

Crunch crunch crunch.

“Ice… Soup. That’s right. Ice soup. The crunchy, coolness of ice, the warm fillingness of soup. It’s the best of both worlds! And super easy, cuz I cook about as well as I write. Heh… Heheheh… Souper easy. Get it? Get it??

Ahh, you got it.

So yeah, when I got my job, I realized – Shit, Jax, you gotta contribute, right? So like. I dunno how the menu goes, I didn’t know how to ya know. Actually cook. So I made up my own menu.”

Crunch crunch crunch

“It’s got all kindsa cool stuff. Like ice soup. The secret is to get the water as hot as possible and the ice as cold as possible, then throw in whatever shiny stuff that looks edible you find on the counter. Sometimes shake some shakers into it, I dunno. Aris liked it. I think.

Then of course, is a classic staple – bread sandwiches. It’s amazing. You get two slices of bread, and then stuff them with the secret ingredient: another slice of bread! For five copper extra I’ll add butter. I think that one’s gonna be super popular.

Um, there’s Pepper Egg Soup which is like. Ya know, I’ve been going through a lot of pepper bombs lately, so I gotta blow a lotta eggs. There’s only so much raw egg a man can suck out before it gets boring, but you know who isn’t tired of raw egg innards? People who don’t make pepper bombs. It’s an untapped market! Genius, Jax. Genius.”

Crunch crunch crunch

And then let’s see. There’s the Official Argent Crusade Feast – that’s mostly some of my rations I brought with me. Hm. Should have thought that one through better. Note to self, glow-box, discourage people from ordering that one.

Silvermoon Surprise – uh. That one changes. Last time it was a fish, bird eggs and some water greens I found at the pond. Maybe when I learn how to cook I’ll make something better.

And the coup de grace, Roast Rat on a stick. But I can’t bring myself to kill a rat, so if anyone orders it, I’ll have to carve a potato into a general rat-shape. If they ask why rat meat tastes like potato I’ll… pepper bomb or something.”

Soft clattering, creaking of wooden joints again. “I am going to be so damn good at this job. Pryn got some lemon ice soup, she seemed to have ideas on how to make it even better. I like her. She knows a good thing when she sees it.”

Loud yawning. “This is the best idea. No matter how many people look at me funny or threaten me for it.”