Meal of the Week – Zulzadar Guacamole

So, while Pryn and I were struggling to make money last summer, we came up with the idea to try and scavenge interesting artifacts from the newly discovered island of Zuldazar. Long story short, she has an amazing tiara that doubles as an illusion-disguise, my pale ass got a nice tan (somehow my blond hair got blonder?), and we came back with a lot of really neat but essentially useless things. With the exception of these weird green tree eggs.

Now, I have a lot of troll friends, some of the most important people in my life are trolls (Love you, Zan!) but elf throats are NOT designed to speak Zandalari. So I can’t pronounce the name of this egg for the life of me. Avokoto? Avkato? I have no idea. But! My buddy Zan’juul DID show me how to make this AMAZING green egg paste stuff. It doesn’t taste anything like you’d expect and I’m told it’s very healthy, so what a great way to start the New Year.

And it’s going to be a happy and healthy New Year! Remember you’re not alone, you are amazing and I love you.

Seriously. You, person reading this, maybe on your little mage-square avoiding your actual work — maybe in your underwear winding down for bed or maybe trying to wind up for the day — I love you. You are why I do this. And I hope when you’re feeling down, you remember that Jax loves you.

And since this got weirdly emotional, I’m also here for anyone who needs it, just leave me a comment, find me on Twitter @jaxkol, or even shoot me a private email through the Contact page. For real. Does not expire.

You guys really need to understand the amount of extra dishes I create just to show you how to do these things. When I’m cooking for myself I just measure, throw it in and go. But you guys? I painstakingly, lovingly put each ingredient separately so that you can see the finer details of them. Do not doubt my love.

Okay! Cast of characters! For this recipe, I used 3 green-eggs, one lemon, about two teaspoons of this Zandalari toasty spice ‘cumin’, a bundle of soapweed that they call cilantro, and half an onion. Also you’re going to want salt, pepper and either fresh garlic or garlic powder, either will work. This is a recipe you’re going to be tasting a lot to get right — taste it taste it taste it!!

Chop your green-eggs in half and you’ll notice that the yolk is really hard and kinda woody. that’s normal. I’ll show you how to take it out in a second. Dice half the onion real fine, chop up a big handful of soapweed (about half a cup?) and start with one half of your lemon.

You’re going to want to start with only half of the lemon and slowly see if you need more. Personally, I make mine kinda citrusy, so taste taste taste!

Starting to think this isn’t actually an egg…

So in order to prep your akavavos or whatever, you gotta get that pit out. The trick Zan taught me was to smack it with the sharp part of the knife (CAREFULLY) and get the blade good and wedged in there. The twist it to the side like a clock hand and it’ll kinda come out. Usually. Not always. Failing that, use a spoon to poke around it.

Important note about green-eggs! When you pick some out, go for ones that feel pretty soft in your hands. You should be able to squeeze them, that’s how you know they’re ready to be used.

Now scoop them out of their shell and start mashing them up. Remember how I said that if they were soft, they were ready to use? Yeah mine weren’t soft.

So I broke out my trusty potato masher, and through high energy violence, mashed them into a nice paste. Where there’s a will, there’s a way.

This was a bit of a workout, but I did it to demonstrate that even if you aren’t able to find ripe green-eggs, you can still make this if you’re stubborn enough. Also I really really freaking wanted some and refused to be thwarted by something as silly as proper ripening time. Once it’s creamy, add in the rest of your ingredients. Remember, start with only one half of the lemon and add the rest if you need to later.

Lemon, salt, pepper, I ended up with about two cloves of garlic, and about two teaspoons of cumin. The soapweed and the half of the onion. Mix it up, taste it, add more salt if you need but if you’re not sure, let it rest for about ten minutes and then stir and taste again. You want to give the flavors time to get to know each other.

Remember when seasoning this, after the base, add a little at a time and let it rest so the flavors will really come out. You can always add more, but you can’t take it back out. Don’t be afraid to experiment a bit!